**
His mouth is wet, and open and sloppy. Surprisingly wet, but tasty and nice. Nice in the get-down-and-fuck-dirty sense, nice in that he's not really taking, not really giving, but jus tletting, *pouring * into mine, swapping spit and hormones in an exchange as old as sin. Needy and hot and so fucking deadly... hell I want more.
(Need. More.)
More. *Now.*
He moves to my ear and I groan in protest.
"Later," he promises, but see, it has to be now because
SHIT!
His hand on my cock squeezes slightly, almost threatening. Undoing the zipper -
"Careful, man!"
"Yea," and he moves it down so slowly I want to scream, but it's down, it's down and oh god, yes, yes,skin on skin is good, though it's rubbing raw, it's rasping but oh so fucking good that he's laughing, god he's laughing and I'm trembling,shit, I'm babbling.
Babbling nonsense, spouting any old "Shit-shit-shit-oh-fuck-man-please," because that's what he's doing, he's damn well *pleasing * me
And he knows and he's laughing and if my brains weren't concentrated twenty miles south I'd -
SHIT
My hands tremble as they fist in his hair, tremble as they watch him, contrast light-dark, light-dark, fucking United Colours of Benetton
And god I'd do anything,*anything * for him, and he knows, god he knows and I'm coming and he knowsand he
(Oh *shit *)
He swallows.
(Fuck, *yes *)
He swallows, and the suction is -
(god)
(Aw man, geez man, I'm *yours* know that? I'm yours, and I'm hooked and it's the best fucking hook I've ever been on.)
So I reach down and wipemy thumb over his lips before begging
(shit, I'm *begging *)
"Now. Do me."
He smiles, flashing vampirefangs, and he's in me and I'm screaming
(god the pain the pain the*pain*)
and he's biting my earlobe, hard, HARD, nails digging into my back
"You fucking queer," as he rakes down my side
the shakes start immediately
**
Fist in my mouth so I'm not screaming
*Good*
(make no sound. make no noise)
I'm shaking, it's all blurredand fuzzy but I wake up
(fuck)
(not bleeding not bleeding)
And I check, because I know
(Always knew)
Know what to look for andit isn't there
(thank god)
(fucking queer)
I shower. Get cleaned up. Remind myself, running a hand over my head
(smooth skin)
(it's over)
Eight years over and I'm no fucking queer.
**
("I got what you need.")
I did what I had to. I learned fast. Had to.
Quick jobs. Always clean. Regular check-ups at the clinic.
(kept her safe. kept her away.)
Got out as soon as I could.
And never
(ever)
(you got a taste for that, boy?)
never ask. never tell
(pansy-ass queer black trashgot no business wit Jodi's gang)
pretend it never was andsoon no one will ever know.
(who remembers stinking alleyrat trash)
(I wonder if he was one ofthem)
**
Wonder if he was one of them
He has the look in his eyes. Lived off that look for nearly ten years.
Besides I watch him. Watch my back. Watching him watch my back.
(And front. All of it.)
He blushed when offering to pay me for my help.
(Sometimes I think it might be easy. Different. With him.)
(eight years ago... was there anyone who was gentle?)
**
"Am I what you need?"
It always starts like that.I imagine him human. Humane.
Asking me what I need.
I don't need this
(I want this)
And he's lying on my bed,(which is stupid because my bed is only big enough for one, but hell when have these dreams ever made sense?) stroking himself carefully and I feel
(I feel)
"Come here," he rolls over,half on his back.
"Come here," invitingly,and I just know it's a dream.
He kisses me for the longest time.
"Lie back and relax..."
His teeth on my neck, wet tongue snaking out, hands, his hands are moving
(touch)
"Sssh, let me..."
Scissor legs, pin him against me. He laughs and I feel it
(strength)
so strong he rolls over and lets me move on top
and we move
(god yes we move)
(we move heart breakingly slow, like we have all the time in the world)
when he leans down and *changes*,mockingly
"What d'you think this is, Harlequin?"
And I look up and she's standing there
(I'm looking into her eyes,god, I'm looking into her eyes)
But she's dead
(she's dead)
and I'm happy she's dead because it means she can never see
**
Sometimes I'm happy tha tshe's dead
If she were alive -
(hey faggot pansy-assed queer!)
Shakes again. I sit on myhands.
(She never found out.)
(She never knew)
(50 bucks plus the condom and mister you need it again, you look for -)
SHIT
Sometimes I'm fucking *happy* that my sister is goddamned fucking dead.
**
Later Kamal knocks politelybefore coming in. He always knocks before coming in. He knows what it means to have a door.
I'm polishing the axe nice and bright. Got to be ready, just in case.
He recovers nicely. "Was thinking if the Logan deal comes through we should repair the ice-box? Only I know we need wheels,"
I throw him the cheque. He catches it nicely, whistles a bit.
"Do both. Get a new one."I stand, move to the cupboard. "Angel's gonna be paying us on a case by case basis."
I don't look around. Just in case. But when I do, he's gone.
I wonder if he has dreams.
**
"What do you need?" he whispers,hands on my ass, long finger moving along the crack, sliding deliciously in
(in - out, in - out )
a low wet sucking sound and
"AH!"
He's in, half a finger deep,gentle hand on my backside, calming me, sssh.
And I'm half crying, half laughing, because god, it feels
(hot and aching and I'm rubbing against the sheets)
raw and painful and hot hot*hot *
"What do you need?" he's asking and I just clench my fists and refuse to say. So he moves up on top of me, cool hard and long, his chest adjusting to my back and I wish
(hell I wish)
mirrors, so I could see
(no you couldn't not him)
and his neck curves around mine, and we kiss, god yes, we kiss
(and his hand's on my ass,and one finger moving in, slowly, so slowly till it's in and SHIT)
with the right amount of pressure I'll do anything, anything and he knows and we're kissing and it's too much, too fucking much
He breathes in my ear, hot and needy and I come apart, come undone and he holds me as I break.
Turning daydreams into nightmares with one simple phrase, "Suck me."
**
(You always remember the first time you sucked dick)
( I )
(I remember the first time...)
the smell of latex, and cool, slippery taste
what to do with your tongue?
(choking)
harder suck it bitch take it all
(no sound because sound)
sound is bad don't want tomake a noise or wake
(no sound)
you're so good to me gonna be so good to you
(no noise)
Ugliness bleeds. And stains. And festers.
(hands in hair pulling no *pain*)
(pain)
ssh, it's okay I love you so much
(no)
(NO)
The axe spins and cuts into the wall.
(I'm panting)
I stop panting.
Kamal comes running in, shiv ready. He stops when he sees me.
*Aw man. Geez, god. * I canread his mind. Can see he's trying not to look at the axe.
(Buried in the wall. Still vibrating.)
He stands there, still watching, saying nothing as I pull it out.
It's gone in deeper than usual.
(Some fucking metaphor)
Hear the door closing. When I look up, I'm alone.
(thank god)
Fold my hands beneath myselfas I fall
(free falling)
With no one left to catch me.
**
We got out in time.
(I got her out in time.)
Not easy for ten year olds to make a living on the streets.
(We survived. She was young)
I tell myself she never knew.
"You've always taken careof me, big brother."
I'm telling myself she neverknew.
"But now it's my turn," and her face, so sweet, and it's crumbling, falling
and I pull out the stake and it comes out so slow
(shattering, falling andI can't hold her I can't)
But I tell myself, at least she never knew
(She never knew.)
She never knew.
She
Never
Knew
Big brothers look out for their sisters.
(I'm so goddamned glad I killed her first)
Before she ever knew.
~ End.
**
Metamorphosis - you start
with something, you end with
something else. Tell me, did
it work?