Title: What the F*ck?
Author: Criss Moody
Email: wyoluvr@yahoo.com
Date: 1-17-01
Disclaimer: Joss owns them. Yell at him.
Rating: NC-17 for m/m slash and bad words.
Summary: A mysterious event brings Xander and Gunn together.
Pairing: Xander/Gunn
Notes: Huge thanks to the kick-ass Random, who betaed this for me. Blame me for the weirdness, not her. Yes, I’m evil, I know that. Written for Improv #7 on the BuffyAngelImprov list. Improv words: silver--wander--hollow--fitting

What the F*ck? By c. moody

A brilliant flash of silvery light struck the dim room, temporarily relieving the quarters of their austerity. Where a naked floor once lay, now lay two naked young men, one a warm, burnished chocolate, and the other a creamy white. Groans and muttered words soon filled the air as the two men began to rise from their fetal positions on the floor.

Simultaneously, they looked at each other, half-crouched, identical "what-the-fuck" looks on their handsome faces.

"Uh, no offense, but who the hell are you, why are you naked, why am I naked, and what the hell is going on?" The pale man spoke, rising quickly, and just as fast crouching back down once he saw his total nudity.

"Look, man, I don’t know what the fuck’s up here, but I don’t need attitude from you." Shaking his head, like something tight gripped it and he wanted it the hell off now, the black man rose, unashamed of his nudity. As he dusted himself off, his eyes caught a few stray glances from the strange white kid still kneeling on the floor like some kinda wacked religious kook. One minute, he’d been waling on some stinky demon, next thing he knew this huge light blew into him, and he woke up naked and damned confused.

And now some muscled white dude was checking out his package. Damn, was this like some part of the working for the undead benefits package that Cordy just forgot to mention? Gettin’ the eye from a dude he could handle, but from a white dude?

Gunn huffed as he wandered around the room, completely comfortable in his own skin, checking the doorway and the windows. Locked, sealed, and bolted for good measure. Another swift pass around the smallish room revealed nothing but a huge bed…with silk sheets.

As Gunn pondered the incredible oddity of silk sheets on a huge four poster bed, in the corner of a stone room, Xander finally stood up. So, this was strange. Maybe not as strange as that old uncontrollable urge to nibble on Deadboy or that whole actually nibbling on Cordelia thing, but definitely strange. Here he was, bare-assed naked in a strange room with a strange man…and a big bed.

This could be divine providence…or just one fucked up Hellmouth trip. Xander had been in the Magic Shop with Anya and Tara when the blond witch dropped a glass bottle full of something dark and smelly and his girlfriend had tossed Xander a box of some dried rosemary needles. The instant the needles touched the spreading pool of black goo, lights flashed and a blinding silver light knocked him unconscious.

Was this blind luck or just some stupid Hellmouth thing? Lately, little Xander had been rising to the occasion over the strangest things. Like the way Giles cleared his throat before speaking. Or the unbearably hard note in Riley’s voice when he talked about killing things. Yeah, things guaranteed to make Xander stand up and beg had changed lately. Or had he just finally noticed?

Whatever. Xander felt tired, sick of mystical crap, and more than ready to just take this all as it appeared. A naked, attractive man and a big available bed just waiting for some major sweaty action.

Why ask questions?

In the midst of flopping back on the bed, ready to wait until the world ended or Angel busted them out, Gunn felt another body press down the covers and then a face appeared next to his. The kid lay on his stomach, his torso raised up from the bed as he balanced on his elbows.

"Name’s Xander."

"Gunn."

"Interesting name." Half a beat later, "So, we got this bed. We’re naked. This is also interesting."

Gunn rolled his eyes, flipped over so that he could straddle the length of delectable looking flesh, and laved a wet path from the base of Xander’s spine up to the base of the neck. A satisfying shudder rolled through the body beneath Gunn. Another flip and Gunn met his partner’s eyes, seeing a blessed, uncomplicated, calm offset by strands of burning impatience.

"Shut up." He snared the pouty, delectable lips in a searing kiss, nipping at the sensitive skin. His hips rocked against Xander's, eliciting a soft moan from the other man. Nice of whatever brought them here to start them out all conveniently naked. The hollow of the young man's neck begged for some attention so he leaned in and delicately licked the droplets of sweat from the flesh. Mmmm…tasty. Kinda spicy and full of teen angst, musky, warm.

Xander felt rather ignored as Gunn mindlessly rocked against him, idly tasting the white flesh beneath his own darker skin. Xander gripped Gunn's arm with one hand and snaked a hand down south to more interesting territory. A tight grip on Gunn’s impressive cock got the darker man’s attention better than anything else ever could. With a knowing smirk on his face, Xander began to stroke the other man, using the slow, firm movements he always enjoyed when alone.

Xander’s hand produced a film of pre-come that slicked over the heated erection. The men met in another kiss, hands sliding into hair, hips rocking with need. In an age-old manner, they found fitting homes for their erections in the hollows of their respective hips. The slippery, wet glide of blood-filled muscled against skin and muscle made Xander whimper into Gunn’s mouth.

Both men felt the tell-tale tingly tightness of skin over cock that signaled a coming orgasm. They thrust harder against each other, striving for more touch, more contact to satisfy their need. Gunn’s hands groped for and found Xander’s erect nipples, plucking at the twin bundle of nerves, creating a high-keening noise from the younger man. Xander returned the favor by gliding his hands down the muscled back and caressing the warm, musky center of Gunn’s ass. He slipped a finger in, moistened in his own mouth, and grinned as Gunn shouted out his pleasure with a short, crude expletive. Gunn’s cock jetted warm come between their bodies, and Xander pumped into the stuff, relishing the silky feel of it against his sensitive skin.

In a flash, the Sunnydale teen felt himself being flipped on to his back and he saw a brief flash of a grinning Gunn before a hot mouth sucked down his cock. Xander half-screamed, half-moaned as he arched up with the sudden wild wet pleasure of it. Only seconds passed before he sent spurts of come down Gunn’s throat, the other man ruthlessly sucking the cock dry. When Xander’s hips stopped pumping and his cock subsided, Gunn lifted his head and hauled his body up to rest against Xander’s.

Without thinking, Xander cradled Gunn to his chest as he would have Anya after a bout of sexual fun and games. He liked the harder, tighter surface of Gunn’s body in comparison with Anya’s soft curves. Not liked better, just liked as much. He didn’t have to talk to this man in his arms, he just had to fall asleep.

He liked that.

As Gunn nuzzled Xander’s nipple, barely keeping his eyes open, he ruminated on what the fuck was going on. Really going on, beyond the ‘just had sex with a buff young man’ and ‘hmmm…bisexuality good’ thoughts tumbling through his exhausted mind. But any need to know why they were there faded as sleep overtook his busy brain.

While the men slept, spent and cuddled together like two lost children, two figures detached themselves from the shadows. Anya and Cordelia sat at the edge of the bed, lacing their hands together in a familiar grip.

"Will they remember anything?"

"Probably not. The spell will reverse in a few minutes, sending Xander back to Sunnydale and Gunn back to his battle, none the wiser."

"Nice of you to give them this."

"Yes, wasn’t it?"

The enemies turned co-conspirators sat together in companionable silence.

"Xander needed this. He needed more. I want him to be happy."

Cordelia smiled, her brilliant white smile erasing all the aching pain beneath her expressive brown eyes.

"Yeah, I want them both to be happy too."

The women waited for the spell’s reversal, and watched the men they loved enjoy one brief moment of uncomplicated happiness away from darkness, death, and the good fight.