Title: Without Her

Author: Criss Moody

Email: wyoluvr@yahoo.com

Date: November 3^rd, 2000

Sequel to “Until”

Rating: PG-13

Without Her, by c.moody.

I only thought of her.

I have this crazy destiny, leader of my people, and all the time I should have been planning our next move against the Skins, I only thought of her.

The way her skin tasted, the way her lips would part just before I kissed her, all the times she breathed my name as our mouths met. 

I feel like I'm going to die.

Tess has her hand on my shoulder.  I know she won't push it.  I don't think she'll ever push it again, but she won't be unhappy if I turn to her some night.  Some day, when I'm exhausted and I need a body, a warm familiar body to hold, to breath in, to exist in, she'll be there.

Inevitably, I will take comfort in her flesh.  I might even find solace in her soul, there's goodness there.  She just wants what we all want.  Love and friendship and a place to call home.  Not so much to ask.

Right now, though, anything is too much.  Just breathing is difficult.   I can't quite remember what comes after exhale until I feel dizzy and then it hits me.  Inhale.  Oxygen.  I do, after all, have human needs.

I struggled to find that humanity when I crawled up Liz's ladder, grinning because I just couldn't help it at the thought of seeing her, and saw her leg.  Her slim, tanned leg, laid against the coverlet so perfectly. 

Then, I saw him.  A lump of flesh under the same red coverlet graced by Liz's leg lead up to a head with a slightly ashamed and sheepish expression on it.  Stuck in place, I watched Liz draw the covers clear up to her naked shoulders and neck.

My fists clenched and I felt deadly energy sizzle in my palms.  In a flash, I could have obliterated them. 

But I could never obliterate that image.  The image of Liz Parker naked, her slim body curved up against Kyle's muscular, jockesque frame. 

I haven't even had a genuine reaction yet.  Aside from a flashing murderous urge and wandering away dazed, I haven't felt much of anything.  A small implosion just took out my future.  No worries.  The alien leader will be back online in no time.  He doesn’t have a choice.

I have a destiny.  A destiny I'll  just have to remake, or accept I suppose.  I feel more terrified now then I did before.  At least when I had Liz, some part of my future made sense.  She was stable.  I might have died in a few days, or  few months or years, but I knew without a doubt that Liz Parker would be there.  She'd die for me, she'd stand by me until we both closed our eyes to this world, linked in infinite ways.

It's not gonna be the way I thought it would be.

Nothing will.

As Tess removes her hand and we both look up into the night sky, watching as a shooting star crosses the dazzling points of light, I wonder if I'll ever feel anything again.

I wonder if I can survive my destiny.