Title: To Myself

Author: Criss Moody

Date: November 27^th, 2000

Disclaimer: Jason Katims and others own the characters. I just let them play nicely.

Summary: Isabel muses on why she hasn't told everyone about what Vanessa Whittaker revealed to her in "Surprise."

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Up through "Surprise."

Notes: Short, I know, but humor me, I'm getting a feel for these characters.

To Myself, by c.moody.

The truth is, I wanted something to myself. Max is the leader. Though denied, he and Tess share a bond that Michael and I can't hope to match. Quite frankly, I don't want that with him. Michael fits snugly into his role as second-in-command.

I'm just beautiful.

Powerful, smart, and beautiful, but mostly beautiful. From what I've pieced together about my past life, I was the most beautiful creature on my planet, but I didn't have much else. Did the man I betrayed everything for love me for the personality behind the elegant façade? Did he care if I had something other than beauty to offer?

Few humans I've known in the last 11 years have seen past the image I project. Fashionable and popular Isabel Evans had one goal: to be beautiful. I acted the part of the uncaring, gorgeous blonde bombshell for so long that I'd almost forget I ever wanted anything else.

I wanted someone, anyone, to care that Isabel Evans had more than smooth, unblemished skin to touch. She has an inquisitive mind, a sensitive heart, and a fiery demeanor.

Alex saw me. He mostly saw the goddess he'd made me into in his mind, but some part of his fascination with me lay in his innate understanding of what I wanted. Home, family, a place that really did belong to me. Not much to ask for.

When Congresswoman Whittaker gave me my new name, along with the possibility that I had given up my brother and fiance for the Skins, I closeted the information. Mine, all mine. My name, my past, my betrayal. Lies, horrible truths, but they were mine.

I don't want to share them.

If I do, will I even have the friends I have right now? Will Alex, Maria, Liz, my brother, and Michael really still love me? Me, Isabel?

I'm not sure I want the answer.

I'm not sure I could survive it.