Love's Illusion by Criss Moody

2003

~~~~~

Cordelia Chase groaned as she rose from the rocking chair on her friend Buffy's front porch. As if being demon-research girl weren't bad enough, she had a stomach the size of Texas, and quite possibly Mexico, to contend with. Leave it to Xander Harris to not only die, but to leave her with his spawn. The brunette felt tears sting her eyes at the thought of Alexander Lavelle, the silly doofus who had wormed his way into her heart, her life, and eventually her body, leaving another mark that would never go away.

~~~~~

One Year Earlier

~~~~~

<Cough, sniffle, cough, cough> The beautiful brunette lifted one perfectly groomed eyebrow at the dark-haired man with chocolate tinted eyes as he hemmed and hawed before her.

"Yes?! Xander Harris, it's not like I have all day to listen to your bodily function noises. Yuck much? If you have something to blurt out, blurt now, before I die of old age!"

"Ah, the dulcet tones of my darling, so honeyed, so gentle on my ears…"

"Oh just get on with it!"

To Cordy's shock, Xander dropped to one knee, and quickly flipped out a small green box.

"CordeliaChasewillyoupleasemarryme?" The words flew out of Xander's mouth. The young man kept his eyes at stomach level, occasionally sneaking a peak at his love's face, waiting for the inevitable scorn, though hopefully this version would be a mock scorn.

Cordelia kept her poker face on, or rather what she liked to call her "fooling Angel into thinking I really am as dumb as I act" face. Three years of dating, arguing, making love, arguing, making up, and now Xander was actually…proposing marriage. Maybe she should let him squirm for awhile. //Nah,// she thought as a sly grin stole over her face.

She took the ring box, and opened it. Her mouth dropped. This ring was perfect. Three perfectly small, elegant black opals, set in white gold and silver braided together. Not the most expensive or lavish of engagement rings, but perfect for them. Perfect for the two people who probably should have run screaming after their first kiss.

"Um, Cord, I'm kinda dyin' down here. Couldn't you just give me your scathing putdown now, so I can get on with the ritual suicide?"

In reply, the chestnut-haired girl dropped to one knee in front of her boyfriend and kissed him.

Xander broke from the kiss moments later for air.

"Was that a yes?"

"Xander?"

"Yes honey?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

And he did.

~~~~~

Cordy knew that she and Xan probably hadn't been as careful about birth control after they got engaged as they should have been. But they wanted to have a family, and they knew better than to wait around for the inevitable bad things to happen. So, when Cordelia began to suspect that she might be incubating the newest Harris about six months ago, she kept a tight lip on her possible condition. She just wanted to wait for graduation, for a break from demon killing in LA, for Xander's first novel to be sent to a publisher…she waited too long.

Just a month after Cordy's discovery of her pregnancy, Xander disappeared. At first, no one really worried. After all, what member of the now extended Scooby Gang hadn't disappeared for a random 24-hour time period? Even Spike had been kidnapped a few years ago. But, the gang always figured out what was the what and saved the day. Unfortunately, this time there would be no day saving. Walking home one night after researching, Xander had run into a vampire who didn't know better than to mess with one of the Slayer's friends. What Buffy and Spike found five days later could hardly be called a Xander. Drained beyond a point where he could survive, the vamps had used him for the odd snack here and there. Needless to say, after Buffy and Spike finished 'clean up', there wasn't much left of the snackers.

When Cordelia got the first call, she brushed it off. Two days later, she got a little worried. Two more days later, and Cordelia had jumped into a car with Angel the second the words, "I'll drive," came out the vampire's mouth. She and Angel had arrived at Giles' latest apartment just in time to find Buffy and a wan looking Willow washing the dried blood from Xander's face.

The brunette had quietly walked in, brushed off hands and words of sympathy, and kneeled at her lover's side. He was still breathing, barely, and Cordy could tell that the effort wasn't going to last for long. Xander caught sight of her, and tried to smile. She put one hand against his lips, only to replace it with her mouth. Cordelia Chase pressed her lips against Xander's with everything she had in her. One sweetly intense moment to make time stop. But it couldn't, and she wasted no time in dropping her lips to his ear and whispering, "I love you, father of my baby, my love, my love, I'm gonna have a baby, a little baby with chocolate brown eyes who'll probably have your sense of humor, but hopefully not your sense of fashion." Xander's eyes opened a little wider at their last exchange of loving commentary. Cordelia took his hands in hers and squeezed, resting her head on his chest. A breath, a tremble, and Alexander LaVelle Harris was gone.

~~~~~

A beringed hand swept over a massive stomach as Cordy let a few more tears sweep down her cheeks. Love's illusion had fooled her for the last time. It was this town, it made her follow her heart when the smart thing would have been to run like hell. Well, she damned well wouldn’t let her babies fall victim to the same hell she had. Even if it meant taking her twins, yes, twins, away from the only real family they had, Cordelia meant to leave the Hellmouth, to leave southern California period. Or at least, that's what she meant to do right this moment. Her intentions to flee the hell mouth and her belief that the Hellmouth had brought her nothing but grief seemed to change along with her hormonal mood swings, something which only Buffy seemed brave enough to comment on.

Cordelia wiped her tears and stared out at the street, lit by the noon sun. She didn't really know what to do, except to finish growing her babies and get them out into the world in one piece. And avoid any demonic interference in her gestation, which so far had gone quite well, considering that she'd spent the majority of her pregnancy either visiting the Hellmouth, or doing something potentially life-threatening in LA. Should she stay or should she go? That would wait.

Cordelia rested her hands on her stomach. Now was the time to enjoy the California sunshine, and to just enjoy being alive. To enjoy the illusion that she could handle life without Xander.