Date: September, 2000

Rating: NC-17

Content Warning: m/f sex, angst.

Pairing: B/A (some mention of S/W and C/X)

Summary: Fate brings Buffy and Angel back together, but at what cost?

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and his pals own the characters and the concept. I blame my muses for everything else.

and I don't know how to let you go
deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing
for only you
-Sarah McLachlan, "Do What You Have to Do"

Goodbye, easier said than done.
Clint Black, "A Bad Goodbye."

"Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless!"

"Oh, hi, Cordelia, um, this is Willow, can I talk to Angel, maybe, you know, if he's awake?"

Cordelia Chase rolled her eyes - hopeless didn't begin to cover this one. She plastered a happy fake smile on her face and put more perk into her voice.

"Willow! Hi! How good to hear from you! Sorry, Angel's out with Kate, I'm just here, holding down the fort, holding Wesley's hand."

"Oh, well…wait, who's Kate?"

"Kate? Oh, Kate's just the gorgeous, blonde detective that Angel's been seeing pretty much since he arrived in L.A," the ravishing brunette lied through her perfectly white, orthodontically loved teeth. Angel was actually out taking care of the green blobby things she'd seen two hours ago via Excedrin lovers are us. But there was no way in hell she was going to tell Willow that.

"But what about the curse?! Perfect happiness? And besides, Angel doesn't do things like dating…he broods…and he reads…and then he broods some more!"

"Really, Willow, get a clue. Angel found out months ago that the happiness clause wasn't in the curse you used to give him back his soul. Some skanky gypsy guy told him about it." Actually, it had been just a month ago, but who was counting?

"Well, Cordelia, could you just tell Angel that I called? I suppose that it's not really important or anything. Have a nice day."

"Oh yeah, you too!" A slim tanned hand slammed the phone down. "I swear, the dorks are haunting me, I'll never get away from them!"

~~~~~

Three Days Later

~~~~~

As usual, while the madness that was L.A. roared outside the agency, Angel would spend his Saturday night sitting on his couch, with a good book. Unless Delia came charging in with a news of a vision, or Wesley came in desperate for company, the dark haired vampire could spend a few happy hours with the book of the hour, a selection of poetry by Rambeau.

Angel opened the gate on the elevator and walked into his dark living quarters. Before he could reach out to turn on a lamp, a soft voice came out of the darkness.

"Don't bother, I can see just fine."

Angel froze. He knew that voice better than he knew his own. It belonged to a delicately beautiful, tremendously strong woman that he loved more than anything. Buffy.

"I didn't know you were in LA."

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend who gave you happies. I guess we'll both have to deal."

Happies? Girlfriend? Angel smelled the distinctly meddlesome odor of a Cordelia Chase original.

"Buffy, I don't have a girlfriend and no one's giving me happies."

"So, it's not true that the happiness clause doesn't exist in the Angel curse, v.2.1?"

Buffy's undead first love became very very still. Now he knew that this was a CC creation. He could tell the truth, or lie.

"Where did you hear that?" Evasion never hurt anyone.

"Cordelia told Willow, Willow told me, I told my boyfriend that I had to visit my father in LA, so here I am."

Angel was pretty sure he didn't have a good way of extricating himself from his present situation. In the words of his wayward childe, he had one "incredibly brassed-off slayer" on his hands.

"Buffy, I'm sorry, I had no idea until a few weeks ago, and I'd heard that you had a steady boyfriend, a good guy, a normal guy…"

Buffy continued for him, "Who just happens to be a demon hunter, who just happens to not be what I want. How dare you make these decisions for me! Maybe I would have liked to have at least been told that the love of my life could make wildmonkeysex with anyone now, rather than hear it via Willow, by way of Cordelia!"

Brassed-off clearly didn't even begin to cover it. He could continue to listen to Buffy's rant. He could argue his own case. Or he could just do what he'd needed desperately ever since her voice had come out of the familiar darkness to stir the passion laying within him.

Angel unerringly found the couch and scooped Buffy's body up in his arms. As he stood up, he ran the back of one hand against the soft curve of her cheek.

"What do you want? Do you want to argue, or do you want to take advantage of my ability to give you 'happies'?"

Buffy answered by drawing Angel's head down to hers. She captured his lips with hers, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth before moving her hand down his shirt, undoing all the buttons that she could reach.

In a few swift strides, Angel reached the bedroom and threw her down on the bed, quickly stripping his gray shirt off and straddling her body. His mouth swooped down to once again capture his love's lips. Tongues dueled for dominance, one heated, one cool, fighting for the upper hand. Passion swelled and burst between them, washing over their bodies, scorching their skin and eradicating sane thought. Both of them now had just one thought in their heads and that was to touch as much of the other's flesh as humanly possible at one time.

Buffy ran her hands down her lover's naked, muscled back, gasping and digging her nails in as Angel ground his growing need into Buffy's scorching center. With a quick flip of her torso, Buffy took control. She leaned forward over Angel's chest, flicking his nipples into hardness, smirking at his gasps. He snaked his hands up the back of Buffy's shirt, removing it in one swift gesture. The bounty of golden flesh before him wrested a groan from Angel's smooth, sculpted chest. He brought his mouth to one pink tipped globe and reverently paid homage to it with his lips and tongue. Tracing wet tracks around the circumference of the breast, the vampire reveled in the tiny mewling noises coming from Buffy's throat. He switched his attentions to the other breast, not wanting it to feel lonely. After loving the second nipple into aching hardness, Angel brought his mouth up to Buffy's for another mad kiss. She tore her mouth away from his and slid down his body. He groaned at the feel of her hot flesh sliding down his icy skin. Her hands elicited a gasp from Angel as she callously ripped the front of his pants off, along with the front of his silk boxers. His eager cock bounced forth, pre-cum already seeping from it. Angel tried to bring Buffy over him so that he could enter her, but she grabbed his hands to stop him. Once again straddling him, she pressed her lips to his in a punishing kiss. She kept her hands on his as she impaled herself on his veined, throbbing cock.

Their mating, their 'love-making' became almost silent now. After long moments of rocking herself on to Angel's manhood, feeling her snug heat envelop his cock again and again, Buffy slid down one last time as she also bit into his arched neck, bringing them both to painfully strong, silent orgasm.

She collapsed on his chest, his softening organ still inside her. Angel hesitantly brought his hands up to her back. For a moment she froze, and then relaxed, rolling off him to rest at his side.

~~~~~

Monday morning, back in Sunnydale.

~~~~~

"Buffy, hey!" The blonde looked up to see Willow bounding towards her. "Where were you all weekend? I was kinda worried, thought maybe some icky evil had gotten you or something."

"Will, I’m sorry, I was in the room a couple of times, but I just…"

Willow interrupted her best friend. "Say no more. I understand the need for a Weekend'o'Love with a honey."

Wide green eyes met Willow's smug pronouncement. The redhead looked at Buffy expectantly, clearly waiting for some kind of reply.

"Um, yeah, I guess..uh…" Buffy faltered over the lie she had been about to give. She didn't want to lie when lies had gotten her into way too much trouble with her friends before. But what good way can you say, "hey I was just boinking my undead former honey cause I just found out that he has a permanent soul and he's the only male who really does anything for me?" If there was a simple way of explaining this, she really wished someone would write a book about it, preferably a short one with lots of pictures.

"Hey, it's ok Buffy, really. I totally see the need to be with the boyfriend. And what with all the Initiative stuff, you guys must have a lot to deal with."

Crunch. Smack. Thud. Buffy could feel her guilt complex ballooning and smashing her good intentions to bits.

Oh, well…if good intentions really did pave the way to hell…..who cared? She'd already been there once, no big.

"Yeah, Riley and I just needed some time…together." Buffy squelched the vomity feeling she got in her stomach at the thought of 'being' with Riley after she'd 'been' with Angel. Maybe she was a complete sicko for having a thing for his cool skin, but a thing she certainly had. And she had every intention of taking advantage of it. 'Course, she had to figure out some way to keep her friends and Riley off her back…

"Hey, you in there I'm-in-Lurve-Girl? Ya know that we have psych in like 10 minutes, right?"

Startled out of her plotting, Buffy shoved a piece of loose hair behind her ear. "Oh, yeah, just let me grab my books, 'kay Wills?"

"No problemo." Willow grinned and sauntered over to study the chocolate poster on the back of their door.

As Buffy dashed around the room, collecting books, bag, and pens, the solution to her boyfriend dilemma hit her. Riley thought Buffy was his girl, the gang thought she was his girl, and no one but Willow knew that Angel had his soul, and she was so wrapped up in her new fascination with Spike that Buffy doubted she'd notice anything. Buffy could easily dash off to LA, and bring Angel to Sunnydale, without bringing undo attention to herself or Angel.

Flashing a quick grin at her best friend, the Slayer left the room with a new bounce to her step. She was going to have her cake, eat it, and smash it in the faces of everyone who had said she wouldn't even get the crumbs.

~~~~~

Three months later

~~~~~

Angel growled at the sight of Riley Finn's strong hands gripping Buffy's back as they swayed into each other on the dance floor at the Bronze. For the past hour he had looked on hungrily as his mate, his Buffy, had teased both he and Riley with her body.

He had gotten to Sunnydale just in time to watch the blonde boy pick her up at her dorm, a red rose in hand. Buffy had smiled at Riley, and inhaled the scent of the rose, her eyes raising and hunting in the shadows for the presence she felt. When she caught sight of her true lover's outline, a smirk had faded into a smile, thankfully missed by Riley because of the flower in front of her face.

The demon inside of Angel had snarled, desperate to remove the obstacle that stood between him and the golden flesh he needed so badly, but once again, he had managed to shove his animalistic impulses back into the neat little box labeled, "Do Not Disturb." Now, as another man's hands roamed over the bare skin of the woman he worshipped with every inch of his being, Angel regretted his earlier restraint. Riley would look lovely with a new necktie…made of his own intestines.

Angel edged around the room and headed for the bar. As he glanced over at the dance floor, he nearly leapt across the crowded room. To add injury to insult, Buffy's raspberry lips were pressed hard against her Ken doll's, seemingly sucking him in through her mouth. The vampire resolutely turned away, ignoring the thrumming in his borrowed blood that said 'kill, kill, kill'. He stood next to the bar, near the back, just in front of the store room, still well hidden in the shadowy recesses of the club.

He couldn't do anything about this now; he was bound by the strictures of his promise to Buffy. They would fuck when and where and how she wanted, and she'd let him. There was only a small part of Angel unwilling to do it, and that part was quickly shouted down by a million other voices, namely those speaking for his penis and his demon. Angel watched as Buffy arched against the commando, rubbing her crotch against his upper thigh suggestively. She appeared to be mating with him on the dance floor for the enjoyment of the crowd. For long aching moments, the two fair figures ground against each other, observed closely by the undead detective. Angel sighed with relief when the pair parted, hand in hand, for the door. Finally, movement.

The night air outside the club smelled vaguely rotten, as if someone had left meat out to spoil. The throngs of people didn't exactly make it easy for Angel to track his prey, but he quickly caught both scent and sight of Buffy and her fool of a boyfriend. Giggling and pawing at each other, the fair-haired couple strolled down Sunnydale's main drag, stopping from time to time to admire store window displays. Soon, they came out of the business district and hit the residential area. Angel knew what would happen next, what had happened several times a week since he and Buffy had struck their deal. Buffy and farmboy would wend their way back to his room. After approximately 3 hours, a small feminine figure would slip from the room. In less than half an hour, Angel would be buried deep inside her wet, hot core, thrusting his way to oblivion, to a state of ecstasy that almost made him forget the sordid quality of his actions.

Almost.

~~~~~

As Buffy and Riley slipped off into the night, their pale shadow trailing behind them, another equally pale figure finally chanced to light a cigarette. An elegant hand emerged from the murky darkness, glowing white nicotine sticking out like a beacon, followed by a sculpted face. A face with a distinct smirk gracing its fine lines. Occasionally, occasionally, life as a neutered predator did indeed please William the Bloody, Master Spike. In fact, when that life included the royal fuck-ups of his Sire and Slutty the Vampire Fucker, Spike felt an absolutely heinous warmth spread through his long dead veins. Ok, if pressed about the matter of the Poof and the Slayer, Spike admitted to stirrings of pity, even sorrow. The stupid fuck had gotten his soul returned, went and fell in love with not only a human but a slayer, lost the soul, lost the girl, got the soul back, and still lost the girl. It was enough to make a dead man weep.

When he wasn't laughing that was.

Nah, Spike'd been lurking, like a bloody nancyboy, outside of Buffy's one evening when low and behold she'd sauntered out and quickly been snatched into the bushes. Following only to make sure that the snatcher did the job up right, Spike had watched in gut bottoming shock as Angel wrenched the petite blonde into his lap, and onto his exposed, hard cock. Spike had avidly looked on, his own manhood perking up at the sight, until his brain up top registered the fact that the former, or so he had believed, lovers were done and about to leave. Having gone back to his crypt, the peroxided former vampire tough mulled over the events of the night.

What the fuck was going on? Happiness clause ring a…the truth nearly gave Spike a heartbeat it hit him so hard.

Angel had a permanent guilt producing soul. That prom queen type had told the cute hacker who'd told Buffy, who'd gotten a rotten bad case of PMS for a few weeks over it. Some months later, Angel and the Slayer were fucking. Buffy and SoldierBoy were still dating, and going hot and horny from what the blonde vampire had seen. Xander, Willow, and Giles were not declaring an intervention and locking Buffy in room to get her to go cold turkey on Angel….again.

Ergo, Buffy Summers had been telling a lot of fibs. Big, huge, juicy lies that could only mean one thing.

Spike had an edge on his enemy.

Now this was gonna be fun.

~~~~~

A small, satisfied grunt escaped Buffy's passion pink lips as she trailed one hand across her lover's chest. Everything was so perfect, so unbelievably good that she really did have to pinch herself from time to time. 3 months of mind-shattering sex, revenge, and more sex had to be a dream, but this Slayer knew it wasn't a dream. Nothing could be more real than the cold, muscled chest underneath her hands, or the talented body attached, or the tender, troubled way Angel touched her.

A twinge of emotion resembling guilt rippled Buffy's serene mood. She was happy, Riley was clueless but happy, yet Angel was neither clueless nor happy, not entirely. He wasn't miserable. He had made his own decision, and that decision had been to be with Buffy, in any way he could. Yet, when Buffy came to him at night, still wearing the human stink of Riley on her skin, her body still flush from contact with Riley, Buffy could see the unending self-loathing sunk into her true lover's soul. Try as she might though, Buffy had a hard time feeling real regret for her actions. She liked getting what she wanted, and this was everything she could ever want.

"Do you think anyone knows?"

Angel's even-toned question made Buffy grin, just a little bit.

"Nope. It's all good. Riley and I are going strong, and the gang think it's vomitously cute. Mom and Giles both approve of the relationship. What about Cordelia and Wesley?" Buffy's question held a tinge of jealousy. In the months of the clandestine relationship, Buffy had witnessed second hand the fiercely tight bond between Angel and his co-workers. The familial love between the three made the Slayer long for the days when Xander, Willow, and Giles had been like her family, and her support system. But they had all walked away from high school, and from the close relationship they had maintained during those years. Buffy couldn't even remembered how it had happened. One minute Xander was begging for a date, the next he was begging off a movie fest for time with Anya. Willow always had spell learning sessions with Tara that forced her to give up that weekly mall trip. And Giles had found a real adult life in the small clubs and bars of Sunnydale as a singer. Buffy shoved the feeling that she was 1/4 responsible for the distance between herself and her closest friends into a tight corner in her heart. She had Angel. A few more lies here and there were worth it. Weren't they?

"Buffy, this won't…"

Sick of questions, Buffy arched against Angel, gliding her toes up his firm calf muscle. "I don't have much more time, I have a class at eleven." Buffy gripped Angel's upper arms to leverage herself onto his body. With painstaking precision, she worked her way down the length of his body, biting and licking the skin. By the time Buffy reached his rising cock, Angel had forgotten all about his rival, questions, and dignity.

~~~~~

Riley Finn hummed a jaunty rendition of a pop tune as he strode down the hallway. Life had never been so good. He had a beautiful, funny, strong girlfriend who knew and understood about his double life as a member of the Initiative. They'd had a few arguments about what could be going on inside of the secret underground complex, but Riley felt confident that he and Buffy could overcome any obstacle. A few more feet and he found himself in front of Buffy and Willow's dorm room. A few short knocks produced a disheveled redhead in fuzzy blue pajamas.

"Riley?"

"Hey, Willow. Sorry I woke you. I'm wondering if I could speak with your fetching blonde roommate."

"Buffy? Why would you want to speak with Buffy? Buffy is with you. She had a date, sleeping over with you, I'll see her in class…mmm…bye." Willow shut the door and shuffled back to her nice warm bed, dimly wondering why Riley had looked so stunned. Lovers, gah. The witch crawled into her flannel covers, snuggling back into her decadent dreams of sarcastic dead men with attitude problems.

~~~~~

The early morning provided the only bright spot in Riley Finn's morning. It had something to do with the sun. Last night, he'd been five minutes from the welcoming heat of his girlfriend's body, then suddenly she had to go. Something about a fuzz demon that Giles wanted her to kill right away. Baffled but willing to believe, Riley had stayed sprawled on his bed until his bladder prodded him to move.

Where the heck could Buffy be? And why would she say she was spending the night with him when she clearly hadn't? Riley had known that Buffy was weird, but he'd thought that the weirdness had been explained. Maybe he was wrong. Only one way to find out.

Ask the weird friends.

~~~~~

THUDTHUDTHUD.

The heavy, methodical noise barely made a dent in Xander Harris' sleep. The sharp, repeated slaps to his shoulders just made him grunt and pull the covers over his head. It wasn't until two very loud, very perturbed voices rang in his ears that Xander finally let one eye ease open to see Anya on one side of his body and Riley on the other.

Riley? Panic-stricken, Xander charged out of bed. If Riley was there, that meant Buffy was there, and that meant something bad was happening and Buffy was in his bedroom.

"What? What, demon, vampire, evil snake?"

"No, I can't find Buffy."

"Maybe you lost her. I lose things all the time. But never Xander, he's mine and I don't want to lose him."

Xander cringed at his girlfriend's so often repeated possessive proclamation. "Look, Riley, I haven't seen Buffy in awhile. Willow'd be a much better bet."

"I checked there. She told Willow she was staying with me. She's not, and she's not at her mom's house, I called on my way over here." Riley ignored the naked limbs exiting the dark couch bed as he concentrated on a sleepy Xander. The other man rubbed his hand over his face, trying to summon up some coherent thought.

Buffy mysteriously gone, supercommando boyfriend freaked out, and no obvious bad guy lurking in the shadows. The dark, lean young man let his head fall onto the door he was holding on to. This could only mean one thing.

Research.

~~~~~

"Well?"

"Well what? You tell me that Buffy has gone missing and you expect me to magic poof some sort of solution for you? Really, Xander, you should know better than that." Giles' gaze said that though he expected better of his young friend, he wasn't so sure about the grim looking commando standing near the doorway.

Ah, well, once a Watcher, always a Watcher evidently. Time to rise to the occasion and do something, most likely research and point out the painfully obvious. "When did you last see Buffy?" Giles directed his question at Riley, who had started to pace.

"Last night. She said she had a demon to kill, she mentioned you. Weren't you the last to see her?" Riley's face begged Giles to say yes.

"No, I'm afraid I wasn't. I haven't seen Buffy in a few days. There was certainly no scheduled demon problem last night."

A sleepy voice from the couch chimed in. "Couldn't she just be off somewhere, asleep, rather than awake? Happily off in dreamland, where there are no demons, vampires, or creepy crawlies?"

"Not bloody likely." The door had slammed open to reveal Spike, smoldering under a thick black wool blanket, and Willow, who shut the door with her hand on her way in.

"Oh, man, not FangLite. He's almost worse than SoulFang." Xander's voice almost got cheery at the possibility of a salvo of bitter verbal attacks on Spike's new forced pacifist tendencies, his parentage, and maybe even his bad dye job.

"Xander, not now, we've got big horrible things to worry about." The hacker's voice carried the clear 'resolved' tone. Xander dug deeper into the comfort of the couch.

Giles wrinkled his brow at the smell emanating from the vampire. Charming, burnt flesh. Now all that was needed was a major crisis of some sort.

"Giles, we've got a major crisis."

Brilliant.

"Yes, Willow? Do you know where Buffy is?"

"I know where she shouldn't be! So, Riley comes over for Buffy, who isn't there because she was going to have happy time with Riley, but she lied and I woke up and Buffy was in the room and she was talking on her cell phone and I heard her clearly say 'Don't forget, lover, next week, same time. And this time, bring a mirror for the mansion. I can't keep ducking into a coffeeshop on the way back to the dorm.' I pretended I was asleep until Buffy went off to take a shower and then I got up and dressed and found clothes and grabbed Spike from the crypt and now I'm here and I think Angel's here." The red-head's feet nearly smoked, she paced the floor so quickly, spitting out her words with a mixture of disbelief, anger, and confusion.

"What Red isn't saying is that Little Miss Slayer and the Poof have been boinking again."

A bewildered silence enveloped the room. Giles unfroze first and crossed to where the blonde vampire stood, his arms crossed, a smug grin gracing his handsome visage.

"Do you mean to tell me that Buffy is…is seeing Angel again?"

"Mate, I wouldn't exactly call it seeing. What I saw looked a lot more like fu…" A sharp grip on his throat prevented Spike from continuing.

"Riley, choking him will gain us nothing." When the commando didn't let go, Giles sighed. Nothing was ever simple where his slayer was concerned.

"Mr. Giles, I may not know everything about what Buffy does, but I do know that she generally slays vampires. Why the hell is this hostile in your house, with an obviously standing invitation, talking about my girlfriend being intimate with another man?" As Riley spoke, he kept an unwavering eye on the unrepentant vampire, who managed to squeak out, "Wouldn't exactly call him a man," amidst some coughing.

"Riley, there are many things Buffy has perhaps not shared with you, things I don't feel I have a right to share with you."

"Giles, she lied. She's been lying, lying to all of us about where she's been, who she's been with, even to Riley. This is way past not sharing." Willow's face fell at the magnitude of the betrayal. Not being able to stay away from Angel was one thing, lying about it to her friends, and her boyfriend, was another thing all together.

At the same time that Willow spoke, Riley's grip on Spike loosened. He looked at Giles with disgust in his eyes as some of the truth sunk in. "Vampire? Buffy's ex is a vampire? I don't believe it."

Xander snorted. "Believe it. You're just coming in half-way through the tragedy, you should have seen what happened a year ago, or two years ago."

The former Watcher rubbed his chin with one hand, surveying the various dejected and gleeful forms littering his apartment. All good things must have an end, and evidently, whatever plan Buffy had hatched had found its end.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Buffy's cheery voice erupted into the room, causing a tidal wave of glares and hurt looks flowing her way. She halted at the entrance, taking in the general heavy silence of her friends.

"Who died?" The joke crashed and disintegrated instantly. The lack of greeting, or even notice, began to make Buffy uncomfortable. She could hear herself breathing, the silence had so permeated the apartment.

One by one, first Xander, then Willow and Spike, left the apartment, all pausing to stare at Buffy before leaving. Spike gave her a two finger salute before swinging the wool blanket over his head and dashing for the nearest sewer access.

Utterly confused by the cold shoulder treatment, Buffy grasped Riley's arm as he walked by. He shook her off and stopped to look at her. The petite girl crooked her neck to face him, seeing more loathing there than she would have thought possible.

"Where's your vampire? Still in bed?" With that, Riley nearly ran, slamming the front door behind him, leaving Buffy to stand just inside the apartment, shaking as she realized what had happened.

Tears ran down her perfect cheeks as she waited for Giles' judgement. Surely, he'd understand, surely, he wouldn't hate her.

"Buffy, I don't judge this, but I would have hoped…I would have hoped you had learned your lesson on lying." The weight of imagined failure on his shoulders, Giles walked past Buffy, stopping for his jacket before exiting the apartment, leaving Buffy Anne Summers alone.

Alone with her lies.

~~~~~

Epilogue

~~~~~

"Hey, Blood-Breath! The Queen here wants to know if you would like some heated O negative here at the table or if you'll be dining separate from the rest of us." Angel groaned at the once again familiar sound of Xander's happily mocking voice. It had been almost two months since he had lost Buffy but gained a very extended family. After Willow and the others had discovered Buffy's web of half-truths and the myriad of things she had hidden from them, they appeared on Angel's doorstep to demand answers. Reluctantly, Angel had explained the last few months, from Buffy's discovery of his soul's permanence, to his weekly trips to Sunnydale upon her demand. At first, none of the gang could accept that Buffy had really done all of it, that she had been the one to initiate the renewal of the love affair, the massive cover-up. Eventually, however, all of the gang came to the same conclusion.

In everything that had happened, Angel was quite innocent.

Xander was still griping about that one.

Soon, Willow had shown up on his doorstep, offering her services to bind a nasty Fyannic sorcerer. Next, Xander landed in LA, smarting from a bitter break-up with Anya. Cordelia had spent two weeks making vicious digs at him until, like clockwork, they began making out like horny ferrets. One by one, the entire gang, even Spike to his own and Angel's dismay, appeared in LA, working with Angel to fight the darkness in the City of Angels as well as back in Sunnydale. It seemed just like old times.

Except for Buffy.

Angel knew that she wasn't with Riley. According to Giles, the young man had returned to Iowa, no reason given. Willow, her face bright red, told Angel that her roommate hadn't even been seen since the day of her unveiling. When Angel had asked them why they hadn't tried to find Buffy, every member of the gang had suddenly discovered a newfound love for silence. Giles had given him the only reason the Englishman himself had come up with for this stand-off between Buffy and her friends. Until Buffy came to them, their pride refused to let them reach out to the Slayer.

"Look, mate, yes or no?" The querulous voice belonging to his childe brought a satisfied grin to Angel's usually serious face. He might have to put up with the cocky fuck, but it was worth it to see him pussy-whipped by, as Spike so quaintly called her, 'Red'.

"I'll be there in a minute." Angel rose from his chair, stretching up to his tiptoes. It was time to do something about Buffy. If only to make sure she was ok, Angel had to go back to Sunnydale.

But first he had to beat on Xander for calling him Blood-Breath.

~~~~~

Two hours back in Sunnydale and the only sign of Buffy was a picture in her mother's living room. Joyce hadn't seen her daughter since the day after her lies had come out. Buffy had come to the house, sat for a few hours, and then inexplicably left. The demon and vampire population had gone nuclear, exploding everywhere and destroying as much as they could get their hands on during this Slayer sponsored free-for-all.

Exhausted from the thorough sweep of Sunnydale, Angel found himself back at his mansion. He entered the master bedroom, stripping his clothes as he went. Flopping down on the bed, he breathed deeply, dust, must, and still the faintest hint of Buffy. His vampiric senses twitched at the last smell. The lingering scent wasn't faded enough; it should have smelled much older. Instead, it flooded Angel's body with a klaxon warning - Buffy was here, Buffy was here. He sat upright in a flash, almost ashamed that he'd gotten all the way to his bed without noticing his lover's distinctive presence. When he turned his head to the side, he saw her.

Crumpled on the floor, breathing shallow, lay Buffy. Angel could smell her hunger, her exhaustion, and could almost taste the briny tears layered on her cheeks. Satisfaction and panicked concern vied for first response. The concern won out.

With gentle hands, Angel lifted Buffy into the bed, arranging the stiff limbs parallel to the body. He rubbed her face with his hands, staying silent. Finally, some spark of self crept back into the slayer's eyes and her gaze slid around wildly until it sighted Angel's worried face.

"Are you real?"

Surprised by the question, Angel didn't know what to say at first. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Nothing's real. I see you, and the others, and you all tell me you hate me. I'm bad, I lied, again, and it was so stupid, but I'm sorry," Buffy's voice cracked, a sob sneaking in, "I just want to tell them I'm sorry, but I don't know how."

Angel's thumbs rubbed the fresh tears from the wet cheeks. "Just say, 'I'm sorry.' They care about you; they'll forgive you."

"Will you? Can you? Do you even want to?" Self-loathing stained every word Buffy spoke, stabbing Angel's soul. She deserved some recrimination for her mistakes, but not eternal distaste from her friends.

"Buffy…I love you. I didn't stop loving you when I went to hell, I didn't stop loving you when I left Sunnydale, how could I stop loving you now?"

A trembling hand reached up to Angel's face. "I wanted to be with you so bad. This seemed like such a good idea. I could have you, you could have me, and no one else needed to know about it, be hurt by it. I…I love you too."

240 some years old, and Angel still couldn't find a good response to brutal honesty. In the end, Buffy had done what she had done for only him, to be with him, and in a way, make him feel what she felt when he had left her in May. Perhaps the tragedy of the situation came from the fact that if anyone knew what loss, pain, and loneliness felt like, that person was Angel. But to inflict even a portion of that wave of unconquerable emotion on a girl like Buffy, a creature already asked to do so much in a short mortal life, had been cruel, particularly in light of Angel's learning of his soul's permanence.

The lovers sat in silence, Buffy tracing her fingers over Angel's face as Angel did the same to her. Angel found himself at a loss for words. Fate had led them to this bedroom, to this moment. Why the hell couldn't Fate tell him what do now? As he silently griped at the Powers That Be for having rotten senses of humor, part of a solution bloomed in his mind.

"The others are worried about you, even if they won't admit it. Spike's been making regular phone calls to his contacts in Sunnydale, asking them for info on you. He claims it's to keep tabs on his next meal, but I doubt that. He'd never fight you when you're not at full-strength." Angel paused. "You have to make the first move."

Buffy almost smiled at the thought of her mortal enemy caring about her. That, however, was the only thing about Angel's suggestion that made her smile. Facing her friends was about as appealing as becoming a vampire and falling in love with a reincarnated Master. Blech.

Angel's fingers on her chin, holding her face still, made her look into her love's eyes. He was dead serious about this. Buffy had to apologize to her friends. She accepted the proposal with a humble nod, and the two relaxed together for a moment, Buffy's head cradled against Angel's chest.

"You won't leave me?"

"Never again."

Gimme feedback!