Happy Holidays!
*~*~*~*~*
A Very DOOUL Christmas: Twas the Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before X-mas and
all through the village
The vampires awoke, to rape, murder
and pillage:
The garlic was hung by the doorframes
in fear,
That Angelus, Scourge of Europe
soon would be here.
Darla was nestled snug in a bed,
With three little children, all
about to be dead.
And Dru with her horsewhip, and
I in my chains,
Had just settled down for the evening's
spot of pain,
When out from the garden there arose
such clatter,
I tore out of my restraints to see
what was the matter.
Over to the large window I nearly
flew,
Ripped open the shutters, broke
the soddin' glass too.
We'd killed half the townsfolk, stole
this house for good measure,
So who dared interrupt my moment
of vamp pleasure?
I blinked twice, shook my head and
willed it all dissappear,
But still.... there stood me Sire
and eight tiny reindeer.
I suppose he'd just finished his
nightly round of whoring,
That the maiming and killing had
gotten too boring,
Cause there he was with reindeer
and a large sled to boot,
And the friggin' poofter had even
donned old Santa's red suit.
Then he started to shout at the top
of his voice,
Made it an order, like we had any
choice,
"Now Spike, Now Darla, come on down
here Dru!
And get yer asses in gear, I'm not
waiting for you!"
I threw on my breeches, donned a
shirt and a hat,
But Drusilla had me down the stairs
in two seconds flat,
Darla cocked her brow, looked annoyed
as ever because-
"Daddy?" Druscilla pouted, "you've
killed Santa Claus."
"Well me sweets," he began, "Twould
indeed be the case.
But don't ya worry about it, since
I've taken his place!"
Dru laughed with mad glee, Darla
looked near to be sick,
And all I could say was, "Are you
soulful again, you big stupid prick?"
"Spike, you insolent brat, if my
soul was truly back,
Would I have Santa Claus' head in
this red satin sack?"
Then he pulled back the satin, and
all those he held dear
Were witness to Santa's white, blood
covered beard.
Angelus' eyes- how they twinkled!
His dimples how merry!
As he popped one of Santa's eyeballs
into his mouth like a cherry.
Oh Holy Night, me Sire's up to old
tricks,
And the massacre's only begun with
poor Ol' St. Nick.
Darla was absently eyeing the dead,
And I knew her only thought was
to fuck the Ponce in that sled.
Dru was still giggling as I lit
up a fag,
Then I spotted the loot, "Hey, what's
in that big bag?"
He grinned at me, and said "Yea,
me boy,
Ya can take all the stuff, ya can
have all the toys,
Cause there's only one thing that
I wanna try...
Ya see, this is a majik sleigh..and
it flies!"
Now I'm at a loss, I got no idea
why,
The nonce can have anything, but
he wants to fly,
But Dru understood, clapped her
hands in delight,
"Ooh, my Spike we can kill half
the world in one night!"
So we sprang to the sleigh, as Angelus
whistled,
Then flew into the night like a
right Christmas missle.
Somewhere over Europe, we shagged,
me and Dru,
Around the Antartic Angelus got
some too.
We painted the continents with blood,
guts and gore,
And high above all had an orgy of
four.
We were flyin by Spain when I heard
him yell,
"Hot damn! They better have Xmases
like this one in Hell!"