So my sister is in this semi-crappy marriage with a guy who used to be a freind of mine and hence, is 12 years older than she is. She has always had these bizarre notions about sexuality...ie., used to be a wild childe, but then became one of those born-again-virgins who annoy me more than the Xian variety. Came down *really* hard on me for my Mynx website, and my slash obsession. Even went so far as to inform our mother all about my side gig as a Mynx. Made the whole thing sound way more risque than it actually is, (its a Pin Up site. No one is naked and spread eagled, LEAST of all me) and planted the notion in her head that Dak and I are involved. 

Now normally, this sort of thing would amuse me. I wouldn't put my name and my likeness up and out there if I cared particularly what conclusions people would draw. I'm not a lesbian, but I play one on TV. *G*.

But what bugged me is my sister's attitude, her self-righteousness and, now, it turns out, her blatant hypocrisy and denial. Turns out, my sister is gay. And having a long and ongoing affair with her best freind of over 18 years. Also turns out, no one knows any of this, except for me and her therapist, and he only found out three days before I did. Her husband, a Jesuit-raised Catholic boy, labors under the delusion that she was a virgin when they were married, and has explicitly stated he will leave her if he finds out differently. Shmuck.

So now, I have this huge secret and a whole lot of conflicting feelings to go with it. When I sort them out, I'll be sure to give you a holler, in case you care. But the point I wanna make here (and I do have one) is that secrets are a bitch. Being in the closet can *make* you a bitch. And in the end, it isn't who we wanna fuck, but who we want to love. 

I figured out a while ago (after I was happily married of course, cause I really *am* always ten minutes late to every party) that I find women pretty damn attractive. That there are a few with whom I could happily snog. But I also figured out that after the shagging, they would pretty much have to go home. Because being in a long term relationship with a woman is not my personal idea of bliss. As my husband says "So, you want to fuck them then kick them out of bed. Wow. That pretty much makes you a guy. A really *shallow* guy." He's a smart ass. Which is why I love him. So, I dunno what the fuck I would consider myself, but on the spectrum of sexuality (and I firmly believe there is a spectrum) I suppose I'm bi-er than some, hetter than many, and about as confused as average. 

All I know for sure is that everyone deserves a shot at the kind of happiness that makes your toes tingle. I was lucky enough to find it with my hubby, and I wish that my sister would get her shit together enough to find it with her best freind, if that is what is meant to be. 

Lar, Sam, same to you gals. May you find peace and happiness this holiday season, in whatever form that takes. May love and joy always be yours.

Oh, and for the record? Jess and I are not an item. But she *is* my Bitch.

Here Queer and Over it