Buffy and Spike wake up in the wrecked house.

Buffy: 
Oh my God! We just had unprotected sex.
Spike:
It’s okay, baby. I’m dead.
Buffy:
No, it is NOT okay! (to camera) Kids, please…think before you boink.
Spike: 
(also to camera) Even if he’s dead.
Buffy: 
And while sex should "bring the house down" it shouldn’t do so literally
Spike: 
(holding a sharp piece of rubble) You could get seriously hurt, especially if you get splinters in your di—(Buffy knees him in the groin) yeah. right about there. ow. (he falls down)
Buffy: 
By the way, you’re icky and I don’t like you.
Spike: 
.…

Buffy’s house. Tara and Dawn wake up on the couch. Cartoons are on.

Tara: 
Cartoons! Thank God it’s not Cinemax, Dawn’s not old enough! What time is it?
Dawn: Way past time for responsible adults to be home.
Tara and Dawn together: 
Babysitting is NO JOKE!

Willow and Amy enter as Tara makes pancakes.

Dawn: 
Careful with that burner, Tara. Fire is dangerous. Hi Willow!
Willow:…
Dawn:
You look tired.
Amy: 
She’s all shagged. We went out and did a bunch of dark magic. She rocks. We messed people up bunches.
Tara: 
That’s dangerous!
Willow: 
Fu—
Dawn: 
Language! (points to camera) Family viewing!
Willow: 
I’m goin’ to bed.

Willow lies in bed. She gestures for the curtains to close, but they don’t. She has to get up and shut them.

Willow: 
Maybe I overdid it. But I can control it.
Audience: 
Whatever.

Next day. Willow and Amy wander around or something.

Willow:
I’m all drained. I need a boost.
Amy: 
Want some crack?
Willow:
No, nothing so obvious as that.
Amy: 
Oh. Want some dark magic?
Willow: 
Sure.

Rack’s. Or Wrack’s. Or Rrakk’s. Or…yeah.

Rack (I just picked, okay?): 
Hey, you’re cute. Pot?
Willow:
Dark magic?
Rack:
Right. YM rating, yeah?
Willow: 
Yeah.

Willow’s on the ceiling, next to Lionel Richie. She’s trippin’ hard. There’s a demon or something. She faww down, go boom.
Willow takes a shower. She’s crying.

Willow: 
Shampoo in my eye! Where’s my Johnson’s?

Willow and Dawn in the kitchen.

Willow: 
Wanna go see a movie?
Dawn: 
What rating?
Willow: 
PG-13?
Dawn: 
I can just make those. Okay.

They walk along the street. No, not that way. Pervs.

Willow:
I gotta make a stop.
Dawn:
Not for pot, right?
Willow: 
No, dark magic.
Dawn: 
Whatever.

Buffy comes home. She is immediately suspicious.

Buffy:
Hello?

A noise comes from the other room. Buffy investigates, finds the place looted.

Buffy: 
Damn it. Spike’s been after my underwear…again!
Spike:
(pulls underwear out of pocket) Got them right here, luv!
Buffy:
Not your scene yet. And give those back.
Buffy (con’t.) 
It can’t be Spike.

Amy tries to sneak past.

Buffy: 
Where is everyone?
Amy: 
Beats me. I'm just grabbin’ some sage.
Buffy: 
That’s sinister.
Amy: 
Are you sure? I could be making spaghetti sauce.
Buffy: 
You’re all jittery.
Amy: 
Too much coffee.
Buffy: 
Just give with the exposition already.
Amy: 
Okay. They’re at Ra—Wr—RRrrrrRRRR…this guy’s.

Willow trips while Dawn reads a seven year old issue of Modern Mother in the waiting room.
Spike is in bed in his crypt. A candle lands on his groin.

Spike:
…again?…
Buffy: 
Get up.
Spike: 
I was, then you threw this candle on it.
Buffy: 
Dawn’s missing.
Spike: 
Whatever.
Buffy: 
We have to find Ra…Wr…
Spike: 
Don’t bother. Let’s go. (stands up)
Female Audience: 
(swoon)
Male Audience: 
(looking at Female Audience) I might get laid tonight because of this…but do I want them yelling "Ride me, Bloody William"? (shrugs) What the hell.

R—the guy’s.

Willow: 
Let’s go.
Dawn: 
I’m all creeped out by the guy with the cigarettes and the "crack house" ambience.
Willow: 
Yeah. Sort of the point.
Dawn: 
I didn’t notice. (points to large box in the corner with ACME stencilled on the side.) What’s that?
Willow: 
Um. Anvils. Um.
Dawn:
Let’s go.

They walk some more.

Dawn:
You made me miss the movie. I’m jonesing for some Junior Mints.
Willow: 
Don’t say ‘jonesing’.

A demon leaps at them.

Demon: 
You summoned me.
Willow: 
Okay.
Demon: 
I’m gonna eat the little girl.
Willow: 
Um. Okay.
Dawn: 
Willow!
Willow:
Fine. Let’s run.

They run. They get into a car and drive wildly away.

Dawn: 
Isn’t this about the time that we--?

Car crashes into an abutment. 

Dawn: 
Yep.

Demon attacks. Dawn screams. Buffy and Spike run up. Buffy kicks butt, Willow evaporates the Demon.

Buffy: 
You could’ve killed Dawn!
Willow: 
I’m sorry.
Buffy: 
I’m thoroughly put out, you know.
Willow: 
I’m sorry.
Buffy: 
A reasonable person would probably tear you a new one, but I’m gonna look all righteous and yet pouty.
Willow: 
I’m REALLY sorry.

Buffy’s house.

Willow: 
Did I say I’m sorry?
Buffy: 
Willow…wicca is wack. What have we learned?
Willow: 
I Will Never Do Magick Again. Assuming I survive the DT’s.
Buffy: 
Yay!

They turn to camera.

Buffy and Willow: 
Wicca is wack. And tobaccky is tacky. And drugs are for slugs. And…
Audience: 
WE GET IT!!

END.